The Jason Bourne School of Toastie-Making

The Toastabag 500 from Lakeland gets tried and toasted, Hollywood-style.

If you’ve seen the 2004 blockbuster The Bourne Supremacy, you’ll already know that the easiest way to create a timed explosion at short notice is to disconnect a mains gas pipe and shove a rolled-up magazine into a toaster.

This gives you just enough time to scarper before the smouldering copy of Country Life blows your enemy’s gaffe sky-high. Neat.

Now, although I haven’t had cause to set off incendiary devices in kitchens recently, I have had the urge to make a deliciously toasted cheese sandwich. So it was with some trepidation – and memories of Matt Damon’s kitchen-based bomb-making – that I read the instructions on my new Toastabag 500: “Just prepare a sandwich as normal, put it in the bag and then pop the bag into the toaster.”

How could this be? Could I really stuff a small plastic bag into a hot toaster? Surely it would be a matter of seconds before I was engulfed in acrid smoke and left to watch in vain as my iroko worktops were reduced to a pile of charcoal.

With a steely nerve that would have impressed Agent Bourne himself, I slid my limp cheese sandwich inside the Toastabag, dropped it into the slot and shoved down the button.

Lo and behold – minutes later a perfectly formed cheese toastie popped up. Such is the miracle of the toastabag – and all without the need for an unsightly Breville contraption or a special agent in a flame-retardant pinny.

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I can see again

clens.jpgThose with perfect vision will probably never understand the pure joy that is a contact lens upgrade.

I am trialling some new lenses for the next two weeks. Apparently contact lens technology has “moved on somewhat” since I first started wearing them back in 1996. So on the bus back home from the opticians it was a joy to read all the signs I’ve never been able to properly make out: “Kebab Feast,” “Poundland,” “ASDA Wal-Mart 24-hour store.” Heaven.

Bonus fact of little import: The title of this post is also a quote from one of my favourite films.