A few weeks ago there was some hoo-ha in the press about Somerfield employees messing around at work and filming the results for YouTube. Of course, if Somerfield had any sense they would be trying to make the most of the until-now hidden talents of its warehouse staff. Predictably, they are instead “looking into the incidents and will take any necessary action where appropriate.” Yawn.
In the meantime, I can exclusively reveal that the Somerfield rebels have been forced into using new, subtle methods to “give all senior management the finger.”
Exhibit A: my checkout receipt from last night, where a jar of Lloyd Grossman’s Smoky Bacon Pasta Sauce has been christened “LLOYDS GROSS SAUCE.” Curses, Somerfield massive, you’ve done it again!
And just incase you somehow missed it, here’s one of the original YouTube clips posted from a Somerfield employee with a bright future in advertising:
Although I had a busy time of it in the US of A, I did find a few spare seconds to impress the locals with my moonwalking skills during an ice fishing (yes, ice fishing) trip. Behold the wonder:
And here are a couple of ice fishing pictures.
A frozen canal is a cold place to hang out. (The sign says “Do not drill holes in the ice.” Note large ice drill on the left of the shot.)
We used goldfish as bait. Poor Nemo:
Phase one of the gastronomic world tour (GWT) completed. Phew. Spending ten days in close proximity to your immediate family can be tough, especially when some of them – sorry dad – are not experienced travellers. Seems it is possible to run a successful business yet not be able to use a hotel key card or calculate a tip. Still, it was a lot of fun and I will be posting highlights here over the next few days. Two quick bites:
On the food front, the US really is the land of plenty – and variety. I reckon good old Bennys Burritos in New York’s East Village is hard to beat. I had a delicious chicken chipotle burrito and some very nice mojitos. The 24-hour Skylight Diner was a great find too – a huge menu, great service, bargain prices and mammoth portions. The diners are a mixture of NYPD’s
fattest finest and local crazies. Brilliant.
One thing that did strike me, between chugging bottles of Miller Lite (only 3.6 grams of carbs according to the label), is that American engineering has really let itself down when it comes to their bathrooms. They may have made incredible skyscrapers (see above view from top of the Empire State Building taken last week), huge bridges and miles of continent-spanning freeways but it seems creating a proper toilet cubicle door is a step too far.
Why is the door always a foot too short at the bottom and so low that you can see over the top? Why is there a 2cm-wide gap all the way round the door frame? You might as well hang a scrap of net curtain in front of each cubicle. Strange.
Nowadays if we’re looking for entertainment we pen some people who were once famous in an enclosure then sit back and watch their painful demise. We call it Big Brother.
Back in 1637, before Channel 4 existed, Charles II penned 2,000 deer in a park surrounded by an eight-mile-long wall so he could ride around on a horse and hunt them for fun. We call it Richmond Park.
Perhaps unlike BB, the deer have endured and you can still see them today. They’re kinda nice. Posing as a tourist, I took some photos with my phone.
In the next six weeks I am flying to New York, Switzerland and Cuba. Three round trips and plenty of CO2 emissions. What I should really be concerned about is that fact that I will soon have a carbon footprint the size of a yeti, but all I can think about is the food.
In the US, it’s all about volume. And, with the Game of Life dollar bills plus the strong pound, it’s all free anyway, right? Roll on the hot dogs and burritos.
Ten days later, Zurich. I assume I will have to pay some kind of fuel supplement having gained twice my own bodyweight during my time in the U.S. of A. Luckily, we are staying next door to a Swiss cake shop so I can stock up there after troughing on fondue and chocolate.
Then Cuba, which is apparently not known for its culinary attractions, but surely you can get all your five a day from seven mojitos and a cigar.